Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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