Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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