he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
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We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
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He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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