we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
