I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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