I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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