Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
