"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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