I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
