i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
