I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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