1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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