I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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