Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
