Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
