dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
