im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
