I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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