Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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