i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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