I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
