i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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