He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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