Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
