Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
