I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
