Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
We smell like vodka and hangover
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