I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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