I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
