he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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