Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
