his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
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Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
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I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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