man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
