What did we do last night that was yellow?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
