dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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