Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
