So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I didn't notice because vodka
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
