I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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