Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
