I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
