...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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