I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
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He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
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I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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