just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
even my farts smell like vagina
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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