Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
