Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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