I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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