I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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