Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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