So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
