Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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