Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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