I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
foreskin is a definite game changer
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
