trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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