Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
