Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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