Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
