I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
