apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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