Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
