Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
