I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
