He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!