Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand