Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.