If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.