I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I love you.
Bad choice
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
