PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
