No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
