This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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