so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
