dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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