Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
