one two three fourrrrnication!
grandma shit on top of the toilet
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
