Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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