so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
