i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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