I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
