I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
