When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
