he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
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Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
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Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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