Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?

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(916): View more from California

Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?

(760): View more from California

You are my hero

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.

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(705): View more from Ontario

I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(609): View more from New Jersey

Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.

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(219): View more from Indiana

How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?

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(310): View more from California

Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.

(818): View more from California

Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement

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(860): View more from Connecticut

There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.

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(512): View more from Texas

My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo

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