Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's blow job season.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.