C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
