my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dating After Heartbreak
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Rumble strips road head = magical
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!