Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(972): View more from Texas

I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.

(1-972): View more from Texas

I want to be a cop.

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(972): I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party. (1-972): I want to be a cop. http://tfl.nu/ucz6

Replies (104) Good night (23821) Bad night (953)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.

(1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

at least i was looking out for everybody

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(403): You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone. (1-403): at least i was looking out for everybody http://tfl.nu/ilsz

Replies (8) Good night (4584) Bad night (635)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober

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(717): you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober http://tfl.nu/nwgl

Replies (10) Good night (5034) Bad night (664)
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(707): View more from California

I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight

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(707): I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight http://tfl.nu/5bl0

Replies (11) Good night (4188) Bad night (954)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?

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(780): Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top? http://tfl.nu/gcls

Replies (47) Good night (1398) Bad night (6888)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.

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(608): Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard. http://tfl.nu/diwn

Replies (15) Good night (4589) Bad night (1070)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....

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(303): Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic.... http://tfl.nu/nllq

Replies (6) Good night (856) Bad night (3374)
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(831): View more from California

I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.

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(831): I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT. http://tfl.nu/8xfg

Replies (8) Good night (2150) Bad night (520)
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(518): View more from New York

I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.

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(518): I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face. http://tfl.nu/ha5i

Replies (4) Good night (1008) Bad night (478)
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(562): View more from California

Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?

(916): View more from California

My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude

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(562): Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am? (916): My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude http://tfl.nu/ko0p

Replies (1) Good night (905) Bad night (709)
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(540): View more from Virginia

So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...

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(540): So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be... http://tfl.nu/o9g8

Replies (9) Good night (1336) Bad night (366)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.

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(609): i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen. http://tfl.nu/t0rk

Replies (2) Good night (971) Bad night (1136)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.

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(630): Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat. http://tfl.nu/hcfg

Replies (1) Good night (316) Bad night (606)
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(858): View more from California

I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"

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(858): I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well" http://tfl.nu/9o99

Replies (1) Good night (606) Bad night (247)
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(248): View more from Michigan

you take my contact solution?

(1-248): View more from Michigan

drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.

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(248): you take my contact solution? (1-248): drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride. http://tfl.nu/mr4a

Replies (4) Good night (287) Bad night (630)

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