make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
